He Laughs at His Jokes

*Super Emotional, Diary Type Blog to Follow - You have been warned*


Until today, well... yesterday. It’s 3:30am. Yikes.


Until yesterday, I never had a favourite comedian. I mean, there are several I whose pages I “follow,” but none I resonated with so strongly that I watched their videos for... literally a stalkerish length of time.


Cringe.


Then last night, I stumbled upon a comedian who consistently breaks one of the (I assume) cardinal rules of comedy - he laughs so fucking hard at his own jokes that it halts his shows.


And as I sat here a few moments ago pondering why I resonated so strongly with that... I remembered a comment on my Facebook recently that struck a very old wound of mine.


I‘m not going to hunt down the exact wording, but it was along the lines of “stop trying to be funny - you’re not funny.”


And throughout my life - literally tears pouring down my face as I type this - my humor has been something that I’ve been made to feel utterly ashamed of... from my laugh which was ridiculed mercilessly by all the people closest to me growing up... to any time I let my own style of humor slip... when it has been shot down over and over and over again. Almost always by people who I really, desperately wanted to find it funny.


Yes - for my clients, I know, yes. Seeking outside validation for something that is uniquely me - dangerous.


And the reason this comedian resonated with me so much - was just the pure delight he takes in his own playfulness. Even if it goes a bit too far, even if it stretches the boundaries, even if no one is laughing with him (they are, by the way)...


One of the places I still struggle to be myself, fully, is in that area of play and silliness, always just a little ashamed... always just a little afraid... enough to hide, enough to be overly cautious.


Those of you who know me know - not everyone gets to hear my real laugh(s) for that very reason...


But hey - I’m not perfect yet, either. Still working on it - still reaching for it.


In the meantime - thank you, Drew Lynch (who will probably never read this)... thank you for glorying in yourself on the stage in such a way that it inspires me to glory in my own neglected humor.


And the rest of you should go follow his socials - honestly, he’s a blast.


Remember - it’s not about being perfect.

It’s about being honest and moving forward every day.


Love you all.

Anna Marie


P.S. The entire time I was writing this, my internal voice had an English accent. Fun Fact. 😜 AM

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